Mental Health Discussion: "A Grounding Experience"
Effective grounding techniques
Fear of flying is actually very common, but very few people talk about it. I remember a flight I took to Nashville, Tennessee. On my way back to Texas, there was a storm (possibly a low category hurricane) that was going to hit Louisiana. As a result, several flights had been canceled, and there was heavy rain in parts of Tennessee.
When we left, the weather was not too bad. From what I gathered, our plane would miss the storm but could get caught in a few of the outer rainbands from it. When we passed through those clouds, we had a little bit of turbulence. It was not too bad, mostly felt as minor shaking that would last less than a second or two, but I remember looking around the cabin and seeing some people react rather jittery. There were businessmen that appeared to be used to flying, sleeping through it with their little neck pillows, but for brief moments when I felt anxious, I would turn and see a few individuals that seemed to be flying alone who would seemingly jerk their leg out of their seat and gasp. I could see several of them sweating, clearing their throat, and in general, writhing, trying to catch their breath.
Instead of making me anxious, it reassured me to know that I was not the only one feeling nervous. Today, I am the kind of person that would have probably started talking/bonding with the person next to me over our fear, possibly inviting them to practice some deep breathing with me. After the flight, I may have gone to the beach or, if I lived somewhere more green, some woods where I can truly feel “grounded.” At the time, I did not have much in my anxiety toolbox to rely on, so I was watching a movie on my iPhone and listening to it, trying to get the fear out of my mind.
When you think about people who make a career as pilots, or people who have to fly on a daily basis, it makes sense how exposure plays into the insignificance of a little turbulence. These people do not have to think about how to cope with the fear because they are used to the experience. For someone like me, or the lady that was sitting next to me — people who have not flown in years or have low experience — it is easy to see how the whole situation can be nerve-racking and all we want is to feel terra firma. It is all relative and subjective to the individual.
Around the time, I was seeing a therapist who would tell me, “Ground yourself when you feel anxious. Use the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 method.” That particular grounding technique would set me off. Not only did it not work for me, but I fought the very principle of it.
“I see the plane shaking. I feel the numbness in my hands. I hear wind. I smell nothing. I taste my own fear?”
I know. I was not doing it right, but my issue with it is that exposure therapy, which research shows to be one of the most effective ways of handling anxiety, does the exact opposite of what the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique does. To me, the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique meant avoidance. It meant I was not validating my emotions, learning to cope with the discomfort by doing something to treat it, or processing my fear. Exposure meant the exact opposite. This is not to say that the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 technique is useless. It was simply not for me, and that is okay because what works for one person may not work for the other. While that technique can be adjusted for many different types of anxiety, it is not my personal go-to for handling anxiety. I find it a very useful grounding technique, if done properly, particularly for individuals who engage in derealization. With that said, many people who suffer from general anxiety have told me that it has helped them tremendously, and that is why I am sharing it. What works or does not depends on what is happening inside your mind and how you perceive it.
There are many ways to ground yourself and to deal with whatever it is that you are feeling. Grounding, to me, means to be fully present in the moment. It means searching for the True reality of your experience, accepting it, and learning to cope with what you have in front of you. What it looks like is typically absorbing your environment, identifying your feelings and emotions at the moment, then analyzing and processing those feelings through a calm and collected mind. Spending time in nature, disconnected from society and all the problems that come from living in it, is a great way to do this.
Grounding, to me, means to be fully present in the moment. It means searching for the True reality of your experience, accepting it, and learning to cope with what you have in front of you.
The lesson from the short story is this: the majority of the fears that we have never materialize, and the issues that we are not aware of surprise us. Life has a way of presenting these realizations to us in a way that should ground us. Adaptability is most important to make Anxiety a viable team member of our mind. Anxiety is trying to tell us something, and we should take a moment to stop, listen to her, and process her information, just like with any other emotion. Locking up our “negative emotions” and shoving them into the depths of our minds is how we got our mental health concerns in the first place.
Stop running away from Anxiety. Listen to all your feelings. Do something about them.
“That’s the thing about Pain, it demands to be felt.” — John Green, The Fault in Our Stars