Almost everyone I know has experienced anxiety and depression at one point in their life. I have talked about what anxiety looks like, and I alluded to depression in “Darkness” last week. But I want to take some time to talk about depression because I find that it is widely misunderstood.
Depression is not a just a general feeling of sadness or even a sudden intense feeling of sadness. It is a sadness that looms over you no matter where you go or what you do, and it must last for a considerable amount of time for it to be considered depression. Imagine having your life’s energy, or “mana,” siphoned out of you slowly and everyone around you confusing that with laziness or bitterness. Imagine chasing a brief rush of dopamine or joy in the form of comfort food, shopping, or drugs only to find yourself curled up in bed a few hours later simmering in all the problems that come with the pursuit of that “cheap” dopamine. Imagine living in nostalgia, trying to tap to the happiness you felt at a certain point of your life when you did not feel afraid, alone, and you felt excitement over what the next day might bring. Depression, like anxiety, is unique to the individual and has different roots and ways of manifesting. Since everyone’s anxiety/depression is unique, treatment should be individualized and not just patched over with medication.
To be diagnosed with depression, one has to meet ever-changing criteria outlined in the most updated Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).
More often than not, there is an underlying issue that is feeding depression. The most common reasons stem from situational and genetic roots. Maybe we are going through a difficult period of our lives. Maybe our parents suffered from depression. These roots often manifest through a combination of the following sources: natural fluctuations in hormones/chemicals, repressed emotions, career dissatisfaction, marital issues, financial problems, unrealistic expectations, perceived loss of control over one’s life situation, and unhealthy lifestyle habits. Understanding these different roots and sources makes healing complicated and time-consuming because we cannot just address one area of concern and move on. Additionally, if we knew what exactly the problem is, we might not be in the situation we are in to begin with. Sometimes, the solution we imagine is not the solution. Depression is not entirely cured by money alone, for example. Some people say, “If I had a million dollars, I’d be happy.” Sure, it will remove one problem, but there are many things that money cannot buy and some that it should not buy (like drugs). On the other hand, developing a healthy, resilient, and adaptable perspective on life’s problems is more likely to pull someone out of a depression and prepare that individual for future hurdles. What we should do is reflect on our feelings, find the source, and have a plan of action to change our behaviors.
When was the last time you went through a depressive episode? What was fueling that depression?
For me, the hardest part about depressive episodes was having this immense desire to do the exact opposite of what I now know I need to do to feel better. When I knew I needed sunlight, I wanted nothing more than to be in my room alone and keep the lights off while playing video games. When I knew I needed a healthy routine (what even is that?), I wanted to call in (or skip school) and stay curled up in bed until noon. When I knew the importance of hygiene, all I wanted was to go weeks without a haircut, a shave, or a shower. When people would invite me to go out to dinner, to a gathering, or a movie, I wanted to avoid socializing. When I knew working out helps release “feel good chemicals,” I opted for sugary binges and laid in bed watching TV. I wanted to rot, and even worse is the fact that engaging in those healthy behaviors, behaviors that actually supported my life goals and extinguished depression, quickly drained the little energy that I did have. It made it so much easier to just say no to everything, even if I would then beat myself up over the shame and guilt that I felt as a result.
I truly believe that addressing the different sources of depression and taking a holistic approach can get anyone out of the hole, but that is not enough. After getting out of the hole, the stage of active maintenance begins to avoid falling back in. If we quit alcohol while trying to heal, we should not begin drinking again after the depression dissipates. As a depressant, alcohol can induce depression alone and should be avoided by individuals who are predisposed to depression. If we begin investing in friendships as we heal, we should not take those friendships for granted after. We need to see friendships as more than just resources to consume. If taking on too many duties at work or school made us fall into the hole, we do not want to keep saying yes to everything. You get the point.
While anxiety and depression are two different issues, there is a place where they meet. Stop and reflect on your feelings and how you express them. Get to know yourself. Find how you are fueling the depression, make a plan to cut its fuel, then develop and maintain a healthy, balanced lifestyle. Above all, be kind to yourself and know that there are factors beyond your control. Sometimes we do not have the luxury to get ourselves out of the hole just yet because we need to work two jobs, because we need to be work full-time and attend school full-time, because we are single parents, because we have made mistakes, or because these are the cards we have been dealt. Sometimes, we know what we have to do and part of healing is just planning and pushing ourselves to manage the symptoms as best as possible. Sometimes, just like with anxiety, the way out of depression is through it.