On the Secret to Life
And finding happiness
Ever since I became a counselor, I keep referencing two particular texts when I talk about my philosophy of life. David Foster Wallace’s speech “This is Water” and a short scene from Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist both make the claim that mindfulness is the secret to finding happiness in life, and they both do it using clever metaphors that I draw upon consistently whenever I am going through some sort of challenge.
In Wallace’s speech, two fish are swimming, and another, older fish passes by and asks “How’s the water today?” One of the younger fish looks at the other and goes “What the hell is water?” Wallace then goes on to talk about how much of adulthood, much of the “rat race,” is filled with so many daily activities that we do not talk about, such as driving through busy roads full of annoying drivers, making line while grocery shopping after a long day at work, etc. He makes the point that it is easy to get caught up in the rat race and forget to actually live. By the end, we come to understand that learning to truly live and see beyond those daily struggles day in and day out is the real goal of education and life. We have to remind ourselves “this is water” daily to not lose ourselves in the journey.
In Coelho’s scene, a young man is sent to learn the “Secret of Happiness” from a sage. The young man travels to meet the sage, who listens to his request, and tells him that he does not have time to teach him the Secret of Happiness. He asks him to wander through his palace, and while he does so, he is to carry a spoon with drops of oil without spilling any of it. The young man eventually returns with the spoon still full, and the sage asks him if he noticed the many “wonders” he has in his palace — beautiful things he has acquired throughout his life, such as Persian tapestries, a beautiful garden tended by a master gardener, and rare parchments in his library. The young man is embarrassed because he had been focusing on the spoon and did not notice these wonders. The sage then instructs him to wander his palace once again, this time admiring his surroundings. When the young man returns, he reports all that he observed, and the sage asks, “But where are the two drops?” He then reveals that the Secret of Happiness is looking at all the wonders of the world and not forgetting the drops of oil along the way.
The aforementioned texts have shaped how I try to lead my life, but I did not always see life that way (and that mentality is definitely stress-tested often). There are natural stages that we go through as we age, and much like both authors suggest, the key is being aware of where we stand and “living” consciously to enjoy the little things in our daily life, like strangers at a busy coffee shop, the view from your office, or having lunch with a co-worker. In contrast, during my teenage years, I was very much an existential adolescent full of angst who could not wait to get older, have a job, his own car, his own place. While that is still a root part of who I am today, an anxious existentialist emo, I no longer focus that far into the possible future as a source for happiness, and that has made all the difference.
There is an ongoing joke about how millennials have survived a wild variety of issues (e.g. several “world endings” such as Y2K, 9/11, The Great Recession, Iraq War, 2012, COVID-19, Swine Flu, housing crises, some of the most controversial presidents, and the list goes on). Most people focus on surviving through difficult times by focusing on the possibility of a better life or at the thought of making their lives easier and more comfortable by paying off their debt, saving money, or buying the things they have always dreamed of. These are also natural inclinations that are hardwired into us, but the issue is that we live our lives always looking forward to the “next best thing” that we forget to live and enjoy life in the moment. We are looking forward to the next weekend, the next vacation, graduation, the next-gen tech, upgrading our car, our house, etc. It is only after we are way past those moments that we look back and think we never truly appreciated the point in our lives we were in.
It is difficult to enjoy “the little things” when you are trying to survive, or when you focus on the fact that there are hundreds of other people like yourself dying or suffering. Seeing a spark of light in the middle of darkness is not a difficult thing to do, but it can be if you keep your eyes closed. So I remind myself every day, “This is water. Do not forget the drops of oil…”
At first I was dying to grow up and go to high school
Then I was dying to finish high school and go to college
Then I was dying to finish college and start working
Then I was dying to get married and have children
Then I was dying for my children to grow old enough so I can go back to work
Then I was dying to retire
And now I am dying
And I suddenly realised
I forgot to live…
Anonymous